Category: Relationships
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Spiritual reparenting: severed belonging, benefactors, vulnerability & reconnection
Tara Brach's weekly dharma talks and guided meditations have been a consistent source of inspiration and equanimity for me over the past several years. A few weeks ago, she presented a talk on spiritual reparenting to which I've listened four times (thus far), as it resonated on many levels for me. The practice of becoming…
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Letting Go of Emotions vs. Thoughts
A while back, I wrote about letting go of blame and judgment, following an enlightening "Zen with Len" retreat I attended last January. While the retreat helped me release others from anger I was feeling about perceived betrayals or other wrongs, I was still left with my feelings of pain, sadness and fear in response…
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External Validation and Emotional Responsibility
Years ago, I discovered Validation, a wonderful short film by Kurt Kuenne about a parking garage attendant who validates tickets … and validates the people who bring their tickets to the window, offering compliments to each person as he stamps their ticket "Validated". He goes on to offer validation far and wide beyond the parking…
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Letting Go of Blame and Judgment: Emotional Transformation through Zen with Len
Many years ago, I experienced betrayal, pain and anger about something that someone did. I did not have the tools or life experience to fully understand my reactions – much less transform them – at the time, and the memory of the episode has resurfaced periodically, re-triggering unresolved emotions. The most recent recurrence began last…
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“Expressed Emotions” in Everyday Interactions: Acceptance vs. Intervention with Family and Friends
I’ve listened to the most recent episode of NPR’s Invisibilia, The Problem with the Solution, three times in three days, crying a little less – and understanding a little more – each time I listen. I believe the emotional impact stems from my experience as a son, a husband, a father and a friend ……
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There are no mistakes only lessons; a lesson is repeated until learned; tuition varies
One of my principal sources of wisdom is Cherie Carter Scott's book, If Life is a Game, These are the Rules, an elaboration of her Ten Rules for Being Human, which initially appeared (inadvertently unattributed) in Jack Canfield's book, Chicken Soup for the Soul. My two favorite life rules are: 3. There are no mistakes,…
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Conversations, Re-evaluations and Recombinations: A David Whyte Workshop on Difficult Harvests
I attended my first David Whyte workshop last month, held at the First Covenant Church in Seattle. The theme was The Harvest of Winter, exploring the challenges posed by difficult harvests and the opportunities they provide for asking beautiful questions: disturbing, provocative questions whose answers can unlock deep, hidden insights. These questions become increasingly important during…
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On the Personal Philosophy of Carl Rogers
A while back, I was delighted to discover the source of one of my favorite quotes: What is most personal is most general. The quote is from psychologist Carl Rogers' 1956 essay "'This is Me': The Development of My Professional Thinking and Personal Philosophy", which can be found in the first chapter in his 1961…
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The facts and opinions surrounding the Proposition 8 ruling
I was elated by U.S. District Court Judge Vaughan Walker's ruling agaist California's Propostion 8 last week. The 136-page ruling, overturning the state's ban on same-sex marriage, renews my hope for full civil rights for all of us's, including lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender (LGBT) people. Over the weekend, I have read some interesting facts…